Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Other Side

Let me tell you a little bit about The Other Side.

There is pain. The pain of knowing that society makes every facet of your relationship a thousand times harder than you imagined. Everything becomes a bigger challenge. Marriage, children. Health insurance. Your basic civil rights are questioned and threatened. There is anger, and feelings of injustice, because men and women who will never lay eyes on you get to decide whether or not you can marry.

There is reluctance. Your heart forgets to beat when someone you don't know well asks you about your boyfriend or husband. You almost feel ashamed for making them uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's just easier to lie. Smile and nod as they question you about your relationship status.

Fear. There is so much fear. Waiting with bated breath as you wish and hope and wait to see who will be the next man or women elected into office. Waiting to see if it's the person who allows you your basic rights, or someone who is drooling to tear them away. There is fear that your future children will grow to resent you, that you're giving them a death sentence by providing them with two mamas and no dad. Wondering if you'll be fortunate to live in an accepting school district, or if your children will hang their heads in shame when asked about their parents. There is fear that you'll be criticized and ostracized and preyed upon.

Let me tell you some more about The Other Side.

There is joy. The immense joy of knowing that your relationship is a hundred thousand times more wonderful than you ever imagined. Everything is more beautiful. The smallest touches set your skin on fire, sending adrenaline from your scalp to your toes. Marriage, children. They have change shape, molded right along with you. And the future suddenly becomes wide open.

There is love. So, so much love. Love more unconditional, and understanding, and undying, than you thought was possible between two people. This love is no ordinary love. It's special. Unique. Rare. It is the kind of love you prayed for as a little girl. The love you used to sing about in your car in high school, before you truly knew what the word meant.

And there is so much hope. Hope that someday, the world will accept you, and the words "lesbian" and "gay" will lose meaning, and instead just fall under the category of "love". Hope in knowing that we will raise our children to be strong and accepting, and that we will make the best damn mamas a child could have. And hope in the strength that comes right along with the label; the strength in knowing that it doesn't really matter what the world thinks or says, because nothing will break you.

Yes, The Other Side can be a scary place. It's not built for the timid, or the faint of heart.

But the grass on The Other Side?

It is so much greener.