7.

We cannot believe that we are seven days away from really starting our lives together. It seems completely unreal and crazy and we feel like we are living a dream! M is working second shift at the moment, so her days are really flying by. More so than mine, that's for sure. Mine are going quickly, too, but I'm not quite as occupied as she is. Granted, I have all the packing and cleaning to take care of, but I feel like that makes time drag sometimes. But, we are a week away. We never thought we would get this close- as odd as that might sound! Haha. It just always seemed like something we were looking forward to, in the distant future. Now, it's almost here!

I've been dealing with some personal health issues that are making this preparation a bit more difficult than it needs to be. Without going into a lot of detail (the Internet is public, after all), I've been on some medication for about three years that I've recently come off of. The withdraw (or is it withdrawal? I can never decide!) has been terrible. I have honestly never felt this bad. I feel very weak and fatigued, and am dealing with some other issues as well. It makes the physical act of packing and cleaning very difficult. I basically just feel like shit 90% of the time. I read up on some ways to help the symptoms, but haven't found anything that's really helped. This can last for months, and I'm really REALLY hoping that doesn't happen for me! Fingers crossed.

Back to a happier note, I feel about 75% done with preparing for this move. Craigslist has been my best friend. I've sold a lot of things and it feels awesome to simplify. It's a great feeling to just get rid of STUFF. I still have some big pieces of furniture that need to sell, and I'm hoping that I can lower the price enough that someone will come get them in the next couple of days! I got rid of my kitchen appliances today, and realized that I bought three packages of Lean Pockets and have no microwave to cook them in! Oven it is, I guess. 30 minutes for a Lean Pocket hardly seems worth it! Haha. But it is what it is. 

On a completely unrelated note, I've been enjoying chicktips on Tumblr. (By the way, I signed up for Tumblr but don't really get it yet! Anyone care to explain?!) A lot of it doesn't apply to me (lots of boyfriend thoughts!), but a lot of it applies to anyone! So, here's a parting thought.

Quite fitting, don't you think?

Getting Ready!

I'm off work for the summer and so I've had plenty of time to plan, plot and think about the upcoming trip. Oh, and occasionally do some packing. I tend to get very overwhelmed with all of this, so it's been moving at a slow pace. I can be a bit messy by nature, so the packing aspect is not really my favorite part of a move.

Not coming along as quickly as it should be!

Meanwhile, Melissa is at work everyday and I keep her busy on her breaks by blowing up her phone!

We are a mere TEN days away from Melissa's flight! She'll be landing around 10 AM, and we will be busy bees all day. We will have to pack up the car and clean the apartment, as well as drop off my keys to the complex manager. We will spend some quality time together and attempt to mask our excitement for the journey long enough to get some much-needed sleep. Monday morning, we can't leave until about 10 in the morning, and the first leg of our trip promises to be a long one. We will have my cat, Coda, who is going to live with Melissa's best friend in Georgia. :(( Very very sad about this, but she has three large dogs who would love to have him as a snack, so there wasn't much of a choice in the matter. He's going to be well taken care of, but I'm going to miss my little man! So the first day is all about getting us to Georgia. It is about a 13 hour drive without stops, so we are planning on at least 14. Thank goodness there are two of us to share the driving.

When we arrive in Georgia, it'll be the middle of the night. We'll spend a little time with her friend and let Coda roam around his new home. I'm really hoping he adjusts quickly, because the goodbye is going to be bad already! We will leave Georgia the next day, probably not very early. Then, we have about 11 hours to go until we get to Michigan.

It's going to be a challenging couple of days, but we are excited for our first Kay and Liss road trip! Not so excited about sharing the radio, however! We plan to take lots of pictures and maybe even a video or two, and those will be posted as soon as I get settled into my new home!  

Closing the Distance

My babylove will be here in a short TEN days to whisk me away! I can't believe it. I feel like every step in our relationship has been leading up to this well-anticipated moment. Neither of us can believe that the day is so close. I don't know when it's actually going to sink in. In Melissa's words, probably "when you never leave!" :)

It is going to be a wonderful adjustment getting used to being able to see and hold and kiss each other every single day. Right now, it's something that we yearn for in vain. It's something we both miss so painfully, that neither of us can believe that it's no longer going to be an issue. I will wake up to her, fall asleep in her arms, come home from work to her... all of the normal, mundane things that some people take for granted. Trust me- I do NOT take it for granted, and hope that I never do. Each day that we will get to spend together, for the rest of our lives, is a tremendous gift. It's a gift that I don't even know that I deserve!

We will be documenting our mini road trip with lots of pictures (finally!) and I hope to write about it as it happens so we don't forget a thing. It'll be a short drive, when we compare it to the year and a half that we've been waiting for this day! Just 24 hours and 1400 miles to cross and then my baby will welcome me home.

The Other Side

Let me tell you a little bit about The Other Side.

There is pain. The pain of knowing that society makes every facet of your relationship a thousand times harder than you imagined. Everything becomes a bigger challenge. Marriage, children. Health insurance. Your basic civil rights are questioned and threatened. There is anger, and feelings of injustice, because men and women who will never lay eyes on you get to decide whether or not you can marry.

There is reluctance. Your heart forgets to beat when someone you don't know well asks you about your boyfriend or husband. You almost feel ashamed for making them uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's just easier to lie. Smile and nod as they question you about your relationship status.

Fear. There is so much fear. Waiting with bated breath as you wish and hope and wait to see who will be the next man or women elected into office. Waiting to see if it's the person who allows you your basic rights, or someone who is drooling to tear them away. There is fear that your future children will grow to resent you, that you're giving them a death sentence by providing them with two mamas and no dad. Wondering if you'll be fortunate to live in an accepting school district, or if your children will hang their heads in shame when asked about their parents. There is fear that you'll be criticized and ostracized and preyed upon.

Let me tell you some more about The Other Side.

There is joy. The immense joy of knowing that your relationship is a hundred thousand times more wonderful than you ever imagined. Everything is more beautiful. The smallest touches set your skin on fire, sending adrenaline from your scalp to your toes. Marriage, children. They have change shape, molded right along with you. And the future suddenly becomes wide open.

There is love. So, so much love. Love more unconditional, and understanding, and undying, than you thought was possible between two people. This love is no ordinary love. It's special. Unique. Rare. It is the kind of love you prayed for as a little girl. The love you used to sing about in your car in high school, before you truly knew what the word meant.

And there is so much hope. Hope that someday, the world will accept you, and the words "lesbian" and "gay" will lose meaning, and instead just fall under the category of "love". Hope in knowing that we will raise our children to be strong and accepting, and that we will make the best damn mamas a child could have. And hope in the strength that comes right along with the label; the strength in knowing that it doesn't really matter what the world thinks or says, because nothing will break you.

Yes, The Other Side can be a scary place. It's not built for the timid, or the faint of heart.

But the grass on The Other Side?

It is so much greener.

Gay Rights

It’s interesting. When people find out that I am in a same-sex relationship, I get a lot of questions. Either that, or a blank look. And every once in awhile, people don’t miss a beat when they move on with the conversation. Most of the time though, there is an air of surprise. I can’t exactly blame them- it surprised the hell out of me, too.

But the most awkward conversations I tend to have with people about my relationship usually don’t have a whole lot to do with just me. Instead, it’s the conversations that veer towards politics and gay rights and the upcoming election.

When Maryland legalized gay marriage earlier this year, I had a co-worker ask me if she should contact a friend she hadn’t been in contact with in awhile, who lives in Maryland, to congratulate her on the new ability to legally be tied to her partner. She asked if that was something that her friend would like, or if it was tacky. She asked if this was something that warranted a quick call or a greeting card. Honestly, it took me by complete surprise.

My new lesbian status has seemed to suddenly made me a pseudo-expert on gay rights.

This makes me incredibly uncomfortable, in so many ways. For one, I have never been one to talk politics. They have suddenly shifted importance, becoming something that affects me in a more direct way than I ever thought possible- but I still don’t like them. I hate the fact that I have to argue why I deserve the same basic rights as everyone else just because of the person I am in love with. I hate that my right to marry is directly affected by the man who is voted into office later this year.

I hate the baggage and the hardships that come along with living my life the way I want to live it.

I’m not a revolutionary. I’m not much of a fighter. I lack the passion that my beautiful girlfriend has for our rights. I lack her spirit.

I’m just a girl who is in love with another girl.

And maybe someday, we will live in a world where that is enough for me to stand up in front of my friends and family, in any state I want, and say “I do.”

Steady As They Go

Things seem to be going remarkably well for us, especially in the moving-in-together-and-feeling-financially-secure front. Melissa got a new job that she's really happy with. The fact that it pays well and she can still keep her old job part-time are both awesome benefits. Another (maybe) benefit is that the company insurance allows "Qualified Same-Sex Partners" to be covered. That is awesome. We have no idea what we have to do to be qualified, since we're in a state that does not offer legal partnership of any kind, but it's uplifting that they even offer it. 

Plus, her boss has offered me a position when I get into town. The fact that I will not be unemployed and will have the ability to carry my own weight in the relationship is huge for me. I have always been fairly independent, and have paid for everything for myself since I left college. Now that we are a partnership, it is very important for me to be able to contribute. I also feel that my old debts are something I need to take care of myself, so I'm glad I will continue to have the ability to pay those off. Melissa has every desire to take care of me and provide for me and that's amazing. It's one of the beautiful things I love about her. But I'm glad I have something to bring to the table besides old credit card bills and student loan debts!

Both of our families are on board with our relationship and with our move. We are blessed to have such accepting people in our lives. I love her family. I get along great with her sister- she reminds me a lot of some of my aunts. She's very funny and sarcastic and fun to be around. She makes me feel like part of the family. Her niece is just like my sister- they would make great friends if they lived closer to each other. And her mom has the strong personality that I sometimes see in Melissa. They are both determined to be right about things! She hugged me goodbye when I left on my taxi to the airport and that could have made me cry. I felt true acceptance in that moment, and it was wonderful.

Other than that, we are well on our way to being together forever and for always! Oh, and do you like our new couch? :)

Whew!

It's been a long while since I've written and updated. Our time together has come and gone. It was a nice trip and we love spending time together, but it flew by so quickly. Luckily, we are a mere three months away from being together permanently, and that is more exciting than anything!

We have lots to update on, but it's been a long day already and the updates will have to wait. Until then, we will leave you with the only picture we managed to take together during the trip. We have really got to get better with the camera!

 

A Nearly Wordless Wednesday

Ten

We’ve found ourselves in a slighty tricky situation lately. I had a friend I’ve known since my freshman year of college move in with me this past weekend, and she brought her 6 week old baby with her. Long story short, her lease was up and she didn’t really have anywhere else to go. So, she’s moving in with me until I leave in June. I have always valued my privacy and have lived alone for the past four years, so I was expecting a rocky start. So far though, it’s been good. It’s nice to come home and have adult conversations after dealing with 12 year olds all day long! Plus, it helps to have someone else to do things like make dinner with, because it makes me cook more often. It’s given me a very small taste of what it will be like when I finally get to move in with my love!

But, this has put a small strain on our relationship. Nothing big and major, it just makes the logistics of things a little more difficult. We aren’t able to video chat or talk on the phone as often, which is hard. I’m also a lot busier than I was before- also hard. It is absolutely nothing we can’t handle, but we have felt its effects. Thankfully, we only have ten days until we are together again! 10! Just a breath away from single digits. It’ll be here before we know it. We are both so excited. It feels like part of each of us is missing when we aren't together. She takes my heart with her when she goes. We are honestly best friends, lovers, and better halves, all wrapped up in one. She completes me. I can't wait to be whole again.

An Award!

We have received The Versatile Blogger Award from Kiki & Lala- awesome! :D Thanks, ladies, for reading our blog and awarding us. Go check out their blog (you'll have to request an invite) because they are wonderful. Stephanie and Corrine from Waking Up With Her also nominated us. Their blog is amazing, too! They remind us of ourselves in many ways. Check them out!

Here are the rules:

Nominate 15 fellow bloggers (oh my gosh, I don't even read that many blogs!)

Inform the bloggers of their nomination.

Share 7 random facts about yourself.

Thank the blogger who nominated you.
Add the Versatile Blogger Award picture to your blog post.

7 Kay and Liss Facts
1. K likes Coke, L likes Pepsi.
2. Memorial Day was the first "holiday" we spent together.
3. We both love Mexican food.
4. We both shamelessly watch reality tv.
5. K's favorite color is green and L's favorite color is blue.
6. We have dreams to travel all over the world together.
7. We have spent 388 days together.

I'll be back later to link my favorite blogs!

The Countdown

We're just a little less than two weeks away from being able to see each other for the first time since Christmas, and the days cannot move quickly enough. On the one hand, it feel like it was just a few days ago that we were waking up together on Christmas morning, having breakfast and opening gifts in the glow from the Christmas tree. And on the other hand, we can feel the emptiness in our arms. We ache to be near each other, to have just one touch. 

 

Christmas Time.

I miss her running her fingertips up and down my arms, often simultaneously sending chills down my spine and relaxing me beyond belief. She misses my back rubs, how I work out the kinks from her day and run my nails up and down her back with what she calls the softest hands. It is terrible and painful to be apart, but it has also made us appreciate and cherish the moments we've had together that much more. I can almost run a slideshow in my mind of all of the amazing times we've had together in the short amount of time we've actually been able to spend in each others presence. 

I ask myself everyday what I did to get so damn lucky.

In just a couple of weeks, I get a week off of work for Spring Break. I will, of course, be spending this week with my love. We will finally be able to celebrate our one year anniversary, a month late. We plan on renting a hotel room (with a jacuzzi!) and just spending the night "away" together. The next day will be focused on just spending time together and enjoying being with each other. Depending on the weather, we might go to Greenfield Village, which is something we've been meaning to do for over a year now. Or, we might do something a little simpler, like a nice lunch out and perhaps a movie. Honestly, it doesn't matter what we do. We have the best time just being together. We have the "best friend" part of the relationship down pat. :)

The rest of the week will be a little more business-oriented. While our big move coming up, we have a lot to do to get ready. I'll do some training at her current job for a position I may take over, we want to start getting the house organized and cleaned to move, and make a written plan for finances and all that other fun grown-up stuff.

Speaking of the big move, we are only about 4 months away! It seems like a crazy long time, but we've made it three times that long already. Long distance relationships can be tricky, but we are living proof that, if you are meant to be together, they can work. We've had our share of struggles and miscommunications, but they are pretty rare. My biggest piece of advice to anyone going through a long distance relationship- talk things through! We have never pushed problems aside or kept them bottled up. We might get agitated for a little while, but we don't go to bed angry and we don't let things go without having talked through them. It can sometimes be tough to make myself voice these things, but she makes it pretty easy. Over time, I've gotten really good at being open, which was always a huge struggle for me. My whole life, I've kept things inside. Not with her. And that is one big key to making it this far, this far apart.

Well, my girl is fast asleep right now and it's about time I follow suit. Big things are happening this weekend, but that will be another post. Sweet dreams, friends.

A Century Away

I often joke that I was born in the wrong century. It's almost as if I have nostalgia for a time period that I never even lived through. I long for the days when life was simple. I know that I romanticize it in my mind, and that life a half a century or more ago was full of challenges I can’t even imagine. But in my head, I see greener pastures. I see how beautiful life could be, working in a one-room schoolhouse, teaching children who have a passion for learning and who respect their teachers because it’s the right thing to do. I imagine a simple wedding, in a meadow of wildflowers filled with loved ones, there for the celebration. And most of all, I imagine myself being able to fulfill and satisfy my nurturing personality.

 

Why, yes. Something like this.

I’ve never been career-driven, and have sometimes felt guilty for that. I feel like I should have a larger goal and bigger expectations for myself than “wife and mother”. It’s like I’m doing the feminists of the world a disservice by knowing in my heart that those two roles will fulfill me far more than any high-paying job or corporate position. When people ask me what I want for my future, I might come up with something that “sounds good”, like becoming a professor or principal, or going back to school for biology. And you know, I think I probably could be happy in those roles. But to be honest, I envy the hell out of stay at home moms. I know they have one of the hardest jobs in the world, but it is what I want for myself more than anything. I want to be able to be with my children from birth to at least pre-school age, and I've ever entertained the idea of homeschooling. I feel like others would want me to strive for more than this, but it is what my heart wants for. And I try not to let myself feel too bad about that.

Thankfully, I have chosen to walk the paths of life with a partner who is 100% on board with this plan. Though we aren’t ready for marriage and babies quite yet, they are both in our not-so-distance future. And my girlfriend is one who is career-driven and wants nothing more than to have a good job and provide for her family. I have no doubt that she’ll be great at it, just as I have no doubt in her ability to be an amazing mother to our children.

And when I reminisce about the life that I will never have, with the one-room schoolhouse with a horse and buggy for my main means of transportation, I could practically kiss the ground I’m walking on for putting me in this century, this decade, this day. This glorious period of time where I may not be accepted by everyone for who I love, but where I can be open and honest about it. Where I can receive the support of my friends and family, instead of shoving my desires into a rarely-visited dark corner of my mind. I am so, so very thankful.

Anyone Out There?

Hey y'all,

I have a long day of teaching 7th graders the wonders of the food chain tomorrow, and I'm up waaay past my self-imposed bedtime, but I've been messing with the blog's layout all night long and am coming up short. I know next to nothing about HTML but don't really like any of Blogger's templates. I have downloaded and installed about 13 different layouts tonight and none of them are quite what I'm looking for.

Wegan, your layout is perfect! Share the secrets! :)

Anyway, if anyone has any advice or good, affordable designers I can look into, that would be awesome. I'm going to keep looking but would love any input. I want something bright and cheerful, preferably 3 column, with the ability to have my own header if it's pre-designed.

Sweet dreams world!

How We Met

Neither of us were on the search for a new relationship when we met. I, for one, never seriously considered spending my life with another woman. Melissa was more ready to be in a relationship with one, but she wasn't actively looking, either. Instead, fate brought us together.

We met online, as many people do these days. It wasn't a dating website but somehow, we found each other anyway. We only talked for a few days before we both realized that this was something real, something that was not a phase, and something that was both terrifying and exhilarating.  We lived across the country from one another, but that didn't matter. It also didn't get in the way of us saying we loved each other a mere week into the relationship. We fell in love a month before we made it official. We were both afraid to put a label on what we had- afraid of our pasts creeping in and tainting our future together. We were afraid that saying the word "girlfriend" might make what we had seem high-schooly, or fake... as strange as that might sound. 

Melissa finally got up the nerve to ask me to make it official on February 5. We still hadn't met, and our relationship was a secret to most of our friends and family. But nothing ever felt more genuine or real than the feelings we had for each other, and the incredible relationship we had begun to build.

During my Spring Break in March, we finally got to see each other face to face. I had flown up north to see family, and planned to meet Melissa at a hotel about halfway in between my parents' house and hers. I was a ball of nervous energy on the drive up the highway. We talked on the phone on the way, but I still couldn't believe we were finally going to see each other. I got to the hotel first, and she was still almost an hour away. I took the opportunity to unpack my toiletries and organize my bags- anything to keep my mind and hands somewhat occupied. We got on the phone with our friend Sky, who was probably just as excited as either of us that we were finally getting to see each other face to face.

When she told me she had pulled in the parking lot, I had a brief moment where I just wanted to lock the door and hide. What if our face-to-face attraction didn't meet expectations? What if she thought I was boring, or ugly, or gross, or annoying? Looking back, I don't know how or why I was so afraid. The first twenty minutes or so were quiet and a little awkward, as I tried to remind myself that this was the woman I was in love with. It was her, in the flesh- and that took me a little while to comprehend after living our relationship online and on the phone for two months. Melissa was amazing, though. She prodded me to open up and be myself, at a pace I could keep up with. It turned into an amazing night, and I wouldn't take back that first meeting for anything. It was so hard to wake up the next morning and leave.

Now, it's more than a year later and we are planning my move for June, where I will be packing up my life in Texas once and for all, and moving in with my love. After a year and a half, we are thrilled to have this to look forward to in the very near future! It's been a long road, but we know that some people never find their other half, and we are thankful that we only had to spend the first year and a half apart and not any longer. I will be blogging about the move and adjusting to my life in a new city and state. 

Thanks for reading!

Charting Our Journey

My name is Kayla, life partner to Melissa. I have blogged in the past but fell off the wagon for awhile. I thought now was as good a time as any to start back up, since there are so many changes coming up in my near future that I would like to document. I also want to blog about our journey to marriage and parenthood, which will not be for a few years, but will surely have its share of challenges. I'm excited to chronicle our life together and to share it with anyone who cares to read. 

:)