7.

We cannot believe that we are seven days away from really starting our lives together. It seems completely unreal and crazy and we feel like we are living a dream! M is working second shift at the moment, so her days are really flying by. More so than mine, that's for sure. Mine are going quickly, too, but I'm not quite as occupied as she is. Granted, I have all the packing and cleaning to take care of, but I feel like that makes time drag sometimes. But, we are a week away. We never thought we would get this close- as odd as that might sound! Haha. It just always seemed like something we were looking forward to, in the distant future. Now, it's almost here!

I've been dealing with some personal health issues that are making this preparation a bit more difficult than it needs to be. Without going into a lot of detail (the Internet is public, after all), I've been on some medication for about three years that I've recently come off of. The withdraw (or is it withdrawal? I can never decide!) has been terrible. I have honestly never felt this bad. I feel very weak and fatigued, and am dealing with some other issues as well. It makes the physical act of packing and cleaning very difficult. I basically just feel like shit 90% of the time. I read up on some ways to help the symptoms, but haven't found anything that's really helped. This can last for months, and I'm really REALLY hoping that doesn't happen for me! Fingers crossed.

Back to a happier note, I feel about 75% done with preparing for this move. Craigslist has been my best friend. I've sold a lot of things and it feels awesome to simplify. It's a great feeling to just get rid of STUFF. I still have some big pieces of furniture that need to sell, and I'm hoping that I can lower the price enough that someone will come get them in the next couple of days! I got rid of my kitchen appliances today, and realized that I bought three packages of Lean Pockets and have no microwave to cook them in! Oven it is, I guess. 30 minutes for a Lean Pocket hardly seems worth it! Haha. But it is what it is. 

On a completely unrelated note, I've been enjoying chicktips on Tumblr. (By the way, I signed up for Tumblr but don't really get it yet! Anyone care to explain?!) A lot of it doesn't apply to me (lots of boyfriend thoughts!), but a lot of it applies to anyone! So, here's a parting thought.

Quite fitting, don't you think?

Getting Ready!

I'm off work for the summer and so I've had plenty of time to plan, plot and think about the upcoming trip. Oh, and occasionally do some packing. I tend to get very overwhelmed with all of this, so it's been moving at a slow pace. I can be a bit messy by nature, so the packing aspect is not really my favorite part of a move.

Not coming along as quickly as it should be!

Meanwhile, Melissa is at work everyday and I keep her busy on her breaks by blowing up her phone!

We are a mere TEN days away from Melissa's flight! She'll be landing around 10 AM, and we will be busy bees all day. We will have to pack up the car and clean the apartment, as well as drop off my keys to the complex manager. We will spend some quality time together and attempt to mask our excitement for the journey long enough to get some much-needed sleep. Monday morning, we can't leave until about 10 in the morning, and the first leg of our trip promises to be a long one. We will have my cat, Coda, who is going to live with Melissa's best friend in Georgia. :(( Very very sad about this, but she has three large dogs who would love to have him as a snack, so there wasn't much of a choice in the matter. He's going to be well taken care of, but I'm going to miss my little man! So the first day is all about getting us to Georgia. It is about a 13 hour drive without stops, so we are planning on at least 14. Thank goodness there are two of us to share the driving.

When we arrive in Georgia, it'll be the middle of the night. We'll spend a little time with her friend and let Coda roam around his new home. I'm really hoping he adjusts quickly, because the goodbye is going to be bad already! We will leave Georgia the next day, probably not very early. Then, we have about 11 hours to go until we get to Michigan.

It's going to be a challenging couple of days, but we are excited for our first Kay and Liss road trip! Not so excited about sharing the radio, however! We plan to take lots of pictures and maybe even a video or two, and those will be posted as soon as I get settled into my new home!  

Closing the Distance

My babylove will be here in a short TEN days to whisk me away! I can't believe it. I feel like every step in our relationship has been leading up to this well-anticipated moment. Neither of us can believe that the day is so close. I don't know when it's actually going to sink in. In Melissa's words, probably "when you never leave!" :)

It is going to be a wonderful adjustment getting used to being able to see and hold and kiss each other every single day. Right now, it's something that we yearn for in vain. It's something we both miss so painfully, that neither of us can believe that it's no longer going to be an issue. I will wake up to her, fall asleep in her arms, come home from work to her... all of the normal, mundane things that some people take for granted. Trust me- I do NOT take it for granted, and hope that I never do. Each day that we will get to spend together, for the rest of our lives, is a tremendous gift. It's a gift that I don't even know that I deserve!

We will be documenting our mini road trip with lots of pictures (finally!) and I hope to write about it as it happens so we don't forget a thing. It'll be a short drive, when we compare it to the year and a half that we've been waiting for this day! Just 24 hours and 1400 miles to cross and then my baby will welcome me home.

The Other Side

Let me tell you a little bit about The Other Side.

There is pain. The pain of knowing that society makes every facet of your relationship a thousand times harder than you imagined. Everything becomes a bigger challenge. Marriage, children. Health insurance. Your basic civil rights are questioned and threatened. There is anger, and feelings of injustice, because men and women who will never lay eyes on you get to decide whether or not you can marry.

There is reluctance. Your heart forgets to beat when someone you don't know well asks you about your boyfriend or husband. You almost feel ashamed for making them uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's just easier to lie. Smile and nod as they question you about your relationship status.

Fear. There is so much fear. Waiting with bated breath as you wish and hope and wait to see who will be the next man or women elected into office. Waiting to see if it's the person who allows you your basic rights, or someone who is drooling to tear them away. There is fear that your future children will grow to resent you, that you're giving them a death sentence by providing them with two mamas and no dad. Wondering if you'll be fortunate to live in an accepting school district, or if your children will hang their heads in shame when asked about their parents. There is fear that you'll be criticized and ostracized and preyed upon.

Let me tell you some more about The Other Side.

There is joy. The immense joy of knowing that your relationship is a hundred thousand times more wonderful than you ever imagined. Everything is more beautiful. The smallest touches set your skin on fire, sending adrenaline from your scalp to your toes. Marriage, children. They have change shape, molded right along with you. And the future suddenly becomes wide open.

There is love. So, so much love. Love more unconditional, and understanding, and undying, than you thought was possible between two people. This love is no ordinary love. It's special. Unique. Rare. It is the kind of love you prayed for as a little girl. The love you used to sing about in your car in high school, before you truly knew what the word meant.

And there is so much hope. Hope that someday, the world will accept you, and the words "lesbian" and "gay" will lose meaning, and instead just fall under the category of "love". Hope in knowing that we will raise our children to be strong and accepting, and that we will make the best damn mamas a child could have. And hope in the strength that comes right along with the label; the strength in knowing that it doesn't really matter what the world thinks or says, because nothing will break you.

Yes, The Other Side can be a scary place. It's not built for the timid, or the faint of heart.

But the grass on The Other Side?

It is so much greener.

Gay Rights

It’s interesting. When people find out that I am in a same-sex relationship, I get a lot of questions. Either that, or a blank look. And every once in awhile, people don’t miss a beat when they move on with the conversation. Most of the time though, there is an air of surprise. I can’t exactly blame them- it surprised the hell out of me, too.

But the most awkward conversations I tend to have with people about my relationship usually don’t have a whole lot to do with just me. Instead, it’s the conversations that veer towards politics and gay rights and the upcoming election.

When Maryland legalized gay marriage earlier this year, I had a co-worker ask me if she should contact a friend she hadn’t been in contact with in awhile, who lives in Maryland, to congratulate her on the new ability to legally be tied to her partner. She asked if that was something that her friend would like, or if it was tacky. She asked if this was something that warranted a quick call or a greeting card. Honestly, it took me by complete surprise.

My new lesbian status has seemed to suddenly made me a pseudo-expert on gay rights.

This makes me incredibly uncomfortable, in so many ways. For one, I have never been one to talk politics. They have suddenly shifted importance, becoming something that affects me in a more direct way than I ever thought possible- but I still don’t like them. I hate the fact that I have to argue why I deserve the same basic rights as everyone else just because of the person I am in love with. I hate that my right to marry is directly affected by the man who is voted into office later this year.

I hate the baggage and the hardships that come along with living my life the way I want to live it.

I’m not a revolutionary. I’m not much of a fighter. I lack the passion that my beautiful girlfriend has for our rights. I lack her spirit.

I’m just a girl who is in love with another girl.

And maybe someday, we will live in a world where that is enough for me to stand up in front of my friends and family, in any state I want, and say “I do.”

Steady As They Go

Things seem to be going remarkably well for us, especially in the moving-in-together-and-feeling-financially-secure front. Melissa got a new job that she's really happy with. The fact that it pays well and she can still keep her old job part-time are both awesome benefits. Another (maybe) benefit is that the company insurance allows "Qualified Same-Sex Partners" to be covered. That is awesome. We have no idea what we have to do to be qualified, since we're in a state that does not offer legal partnership of any kind, but it's uplifting that they even offer it. 

Plus, her boss has offered me a position when I get into town. The fact that I will not be unemployed and will have the ability to carry my own weight in the relationship is huge for me. I have always been fairly independent, and have paid for everything for myself since I left college. Now that we are a partnership, it is very important for me to be able to contribute. I also feel that my old debts are something I need to take care of myself, so I'm glad I will continue to have the ability to pay those off. Melissa has every desire to take care of me and provide for me and that's amazing. It's one of the beautiful things I love about her. But I'm glad I have something to bring to the table besides old credit card bills and student loan debts!

Both of our families are on board with our relationship and with our move. We are blessed to have such accepting people in our lives. I love her family. I get along great with her sister- she reminds me a lot of some of my aunts. She's very funny and sarcastic and fun to be around. She makes me feel like part of the family. Her niece is just like my sister- they would make great friends if they lived closer to each other. And her mom has the strong personality that I sometimes see in Melissa. They are both determined to be right about things! She hugged me goodbye when I left on my taxi to the airport and that could have made me cry. I felt true acceptance in that moment, and it was wonderful.

Other than that, we are well on our way to being together forever and for always! Oh, and do you like our new couch? :)

Whew!

It's been a long while since I've written and updated. Our time together has come and gone. It was a nice trip and we love spending time together, but it flew by so quickly. Luckily, we are a mere three months away from being together permanently, and that is more exciting than anything!

We have lots to update on, but it's been a long day already and the updates will have to wait. Until then, we will leave you with the only picture we managed to take together during the trip. We have really got to get better with the camera!